Movement

this first showcase was a breeze till it wasn’t. drama. I don’t like drama, that is why I don’t go out. I protect my peace. im shallow and cold so I can be warm to those who I truly care for. simple as that. I don’t need to participate in the art community so I can care for it. not many people like that, but being real, it seems like every conversation I have in this community feels like im trying to listen and rationalize with irrational behavior.

but that is the curse of the artist, is it not? no rational person would expose themselves in such a raw way. no rational person would taint a canvas and scar it for their own expression. strange how that works.

so when I find myself amongst these people, the people who act then rationalize later, I find myself having to rationalize then act.

so maybe its my own doing. I know I create the best in states of mania. where my raw expression transforms into beauty. however I will stand toes and say that there is beauty in everything. in talking, executing plans, style, painting, photos, music, even down to how you walk, your word cadence, the way you cook and eat. I think its my downfall to perfect all of these and neglect the human.

I love the people, I hate a person.

a lone person without a pack can be swayed and talked to, they can be molded and they can be heard. however, any time a pack is included, the sheep move. it is impossible to rationalize with a pack, however you can sway the pack. nostalgia is a great way to do that. sadly that’s a tool fascism uses, but I believe it can be swayed for good as well.

I believe in two way streets. I used to do it for my own gain and the neglect of others, now I use it as a tool to help. sadly I still neglect and I find it crossing over to my personal life.

I don’t get people. I don’t get emotions, I don’t get connections, I understand faults and I am far too familiar with mistakes.

I get the people, I get the masses and their emotions, and I get how its all connected, but I cannot for the life of my have a one on one conversation without feeling guilty im putting on a face.

those who know me know what I am trying and i am flawed but that I care. those who don’t see me as an entity of no remorse. both can be true.

long story short, in order to be 1 in a million you have to work like you’re 1 in a million. when was the last time you saw a nice Audi? today? Porsche? last week? a Ferrari? probably a few months ago. 1 in a million.

the consequence of obsession is that nothing else matters. to me that is the perfect reward.